Love Me
by Org.XIIIisbetterthantheAkatski
Summary: Just a little sort of depressing birthday-fic for Leon. It's...kinda angsty and...it's got character death in it and...implied insanity too, so...yeah. Read it, if you want.


**AN**: …Wow. Believe it, people. I've _actually_ written a serious story. Well…I don't know if you would call it a story. It's…more of a drabble, I guess. I couldn't help it. Today being Squall's birthday and everything…I had to write something for him. At first I was gonna update "Leon Gets…", but…I just couldn't get myself to write that. This idea wouldn't leave me alone. Actually, it's more like…the giant green teddy bear wouldn't stop bugging me. To add to the mood, I suggest listening to "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty while reading this. I did when writing it.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own. Plain and simple.

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_Blacks and purples swirled together with crimson, making his vision an ugly mesh of color. His arms reacted instinctively to the enemies in front of him, streaks of silver cutting through the darkness. A light, dull thumping noise echoed in his ears. What was that…? It wasn't his blood pumping, that was for sure. His heart was beating much faster at the moment…so what? A loud scream cut through his thoughts, completely drowning out all other sounds._

"_Leon!"_

"No!" His eyes flew open and he jolted upright. The mass of dark color and blood that had previously hindered his line of sight was gone. He tentatively reached up to his forehead and found it wet with cold sweat. The dull thumping sound came to a quick stop as a voice called out to him. But not the one he wanted to hear.

"…Leonhart? You okay?" …Cloud. He slowly let out a shaky breath, running his hands through his hair.

"…Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just a…" He paused. How was he supposed to define what he had just seen? A horrible vision? A flashback? A… "Nightmare. That's all."

"Al…right. You overslept again, so Aerith was getting worried. Are you sure you're fine?" His response was hesitant. Was he fine? Nowadays, he couldn't be sure.

"…Uh-huh. Positive."

"Well…if you're sure. Breakfast's on the table when you come down, okay?" He knew Cloud didn't really believe him. No one did. Hell, even he was starting to doubt himself.

"Right. I'll be down in a minute." As he heard the heavy footsteps slowly faded as Cloud walked away, he slipped out from underneath his covers and forced himself out of bed. And immediately regretted it.

_-Nightmare, huh? You're a grown man who still gets nightmares? …Wow._

He shook his head, trying to force the bodiless voice out of his mind. Walking out of the save-haven of his room and making his way into the bathroom, he forced himself to look into the mirror. His grayish-blue eyes that were once strong and hardened were now weak and broken and…an-and…

_-Pathetic_.

He clenched his eyes shut, trying to ignore the scornful voice that had been plaguing him for nights now. He would stay up late, refusing to sleep to escape the nightmares…only to be yelled at the voice over and over.

And _over_.

Finally summoning the courage to crack one eye open a slit, he looked back into the mirror, only to have his blood run cold. Standing in the background of his reflection was…her? Short black hair, bright brown eyes, signature goofy grin…it certainly _looked_ like her. But that was impossible…

…right?

Chancing a quick glance over his shoulder, he felt his heart sink. It wasn't her. Just the early morning taking effect on his mind.

_-Or maybe you're seeing things now. Wouldn't surprise me. I mean, your already hearing voices._

He blinked a couple times before turning the faucet on the bathroom sink. Splashing some cold water on his face, he tried to get her image out of his mind. She was already in his dreams; he didn't need her following him around while he was awake too. He dried off his face with a towel and quickly slipped out of the bathroom, avoiding looking back at the mirror at _all_ costs. He was about to re-enter his room with his hand already on the knob, but he managed to catch his eye on the door to her room.

_-It's your_ _fault she's gone._

"…shut up…" he whispered aloud, barely audible, tightening his grip on the doorknob. He tried to save her; he really had, but…

_-But you weren't strong enough._

"…Shut up." he said, louder this time, though his voice was slight insecure, as if he wanted the voice to keep talking. To keep punishing him.

To keep feeding him the truth.

_-If it weren't for you, she might be still alive!_

"Shut up!" he screamed, trying to push the voice out of his head. It…it wasn't his fault! He tried, wasn't that the point?! He…he wanted her to still be alive…wasn't that enough…?

_-No, it's not __enough__, you idiot! Don't you __get it__?! She's __dead__! Because of __you__!_

His hand left the knob and fell limp at his side as he stumbled back again the wall. Sinking down to the floor, he held his head, trying to get the voice to just _stop talking_, at any means possible.

"Just leave me alone! …Please!" He couldn't take it anymore. He never _wanted_ her to die. He _tried_ to save her. But…that wasn't good enough…was it…? …Because…in the end…she still died… So…it was his fault…for only _trying_…but not _doing_…wasn't it?

_-Finally, you understand! She's gone because __you__ didn't try hard enough!_

"…I get it. Please…leave me alone…" He didn't even have the will to yell or plead anymore. He could only sit there, hugging his knees close to his body, whimpering pathetically like a wounded puppy as he had the truth embedded into his mind. He barely heard the hurried footsteps over the voice yelling at him. Aerith's voice sounded like she was yards away when she called out to him.

"Leon! …Leon, are you okay?!"

No. He knew now, without a doubt, that he was most definitely _not_ okay.

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**AN**: Yeah…that's not much of a birthday-fic-drabble-thingy. It's…actually more of a vent… Anyway, whatever. If you want to know the story behind either the title or the story-drabble-whatever it is, just ask in a review and I'll be sure to tell you.

And if anyone's sort of mad right now, thinking, "That was a horrible birthday-fic!"…don't blame me. Blame the giant green teddy bear.


End file.
